The Coincidental Way We Met.

A small section of chapter 11 of my mystery novel.

Chapter 11

Charles hated to send that text to Sophy; he knew she would be upset. He needed space, and his ex-girlfriend had shown up again, and on top of that, he felt unstable in his career. A past client of his was murdered in Nevada. And he was right there to witness the event. This did not put him in a good place as a junior attorney, just starting his professional career. He knew how much she hated leaving Sophy. But could he really be honest with her about his life and situation? He knew she might not understand; he had just met her, and what if she blamed him? He could have explained his reasons to her, but he did not feel she would understand. It was all too hard for himself to understand.

He knew all too well; what did he know all too well? She would get bored with him and lose interest. He would no longer have been interested in her or their relationship. That was untrue; he loved Sophy for all her weaknesses and strengths. He was happy when Sophy laughed and felt alive when she kissed him. He needed Sophy. Did he need her for the right reason? Did he just love her for her charms and how she made him feel? He could not ignore her attraction.

Yes, he did not feel safe after the death of Mr. Henry, and he knew he should not get involved in another legal battle. He let out a long sigh. He picked up his cellphone; he would do the brave thing and call Sophy. He knew she would be angry with him. For not telling her to her face about why he was ending the relationship.

He dialed the number when he heard the voicemail come on. He did not leave a message. Was she already ignoring his calls? He had hurt her; he always hurt people. He felt a wave of guilt rush through his gut, and he sighed. He knew all too well. He would have played some part in the murder of Mr. Henry. His guilt rose in his throat like a giant ball pressing down on him.
Hot tears well up in his eyes. He did not feel deserving of love or respect. All he knew was his own enormous emptiness. He desired justice and found corruption. He wanted love, and he found emptiness. His life is a very empty one. Sophy was gone for good. His heart turns inside him, and he winces. The small, empty lives people lived. He knew his own small-mindedness and others drove this world into the corruption that is the justice system today. The miniature worlds in which people lived were all full of money, material items and luxuries, and mindless entertainment. And he too was seduced by the simply idle lives of selfishness. The loud and meaningless fighting over one chicken bone of success. He was tired of his career as an attorney and the daily grind of paperwork and endlessly winding legal systems.

He wanted more out of life. But what he did for a career paid the bills, and what matters now is surviving. The simple act of working for a living was the sum total of his career. He did not go into this profession to make a living; he went in with ideals of grandeur ,success and righteous justice. He heard the gentle buzzing of the streetlight outside of his window and let out a long sigh of frustration.

He lay down on the couch, his head spinning with ideas. He knew how he was going to figure it out and how he was going to succeed. How to show those small, minded people real justice. He did not know. He was unlovable and unsuccessful; he was a small instrument in the mega system.

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